Sunday, May 8, 2011

Dear Zoey, (Letter #5)

This weekend was Mother's Day here and as much as I tried to focus on having a good time, I've been thinking about you and your first mommy alot this weekend. I wish you were in this picture, not wanting to stand still.
I wish I knew your first mommy's name. "Birthmother" seems so formal and distant.
I have been thinking about how she has probably never heard of a Mother's Day, or had a whole day of being celebrated. I'm wondering if all these days and weeks and months of our extra waiting are her "just one more" days and weeks and months with you.
While we are waiting on paperwork, is she writing your features in her memory? Trying to lock away how you smell, and how soft your little feet are? The way you laugh or toddle around?
Is she cherishing this time, praising God for the extra minutes of knowing you?
I have prayed harder than ever that we will be able to meet her, that she will want to meet us. I want so badly for you to know her.
It's so strange to think that you will have two mothers. She is the one who grew you and loved you first. I am the one who will watch you grow up and teach you to speak a language she cannot. She will give you her features, her beauty, and her mannerisms. I will be the one who gets to snuggle with you and do your hair and teach you to read.
It's getting close to a year, to the day that the Lord first pressed you gently into my heart, like a tiny seed pressed into the ground. I didn't know then how it would happen, how it would all work and turn out. Almost one year ago I couldn't believe that I could ever be the mommy of a little brown skinned girl from across the world. And now, I know that all my life, the Lord has been preparing me for this, to be a mom by birth and adoption.
I hope you are able to snuggle extra close to your first mommy. I hope she is taking the time to breathe you in and savor you. Let her. Enjoy it while it lasts.Pretty soon, you will have to learn a whole lot of new things. But I hope she knows that you will be safe, and loved, and that she will always hold a special place in this family.
I love you and I love her too.
xoxo Mommy

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